More waiting

We've decided to wait another year. He's got his band, I've got roller derby. We've got travel plans that we actually intend to follow through on.

Another thing I'm considering is going the midwife route. I'll be doing some research.

Names

We've finally agreed on boy names. Two of them, in fact. It's a miracle.

Last?

I'm on what may or may not be my last Ortho Evra patch.

Oh, the ambiguity is killing me.

Shouldn't watch it anyway

You know what's all over the TV these days?

Dead babies.

Babies being murdered, pregnancies failing, babies being abused, miscarriages, etc. etc.. And that's just the fictional stuff. The news comes on and it's more dead babies, parents leaving babies in hot/cold cars, babies getting accidentally shot, etc. etc..

It's turning my stomach into knots.

Trepidation

The timeline, if there ever was one, seems to keep getting pushed backwards. That's OK though. Sort of.

WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!

That's the sound of my biological clock ticking.

No really, it's fine. Waiting is fine. I've got to get a little more education in, move up a step in my career, and finish up this roller derby season.

Another decision I came to a few weeks ago

Cloth diapers.

For real. There's just no reason not to. One night I sat on the couch with the laptop feverishly Googling the pros and cons of cloth vs disposable diapers. I did this for hours.

The information gathering stage

I'm both comforted and horrified by This lady's blog. I've been reading it all night. Her account of labor and delivery have not helped my inner terror about the subject. I have come to one rock-solid decision, however: I will be getting an epidural as soon as they let me have one. If they can shove that bitch in two or three months before the contractions even start, that'd be great.

Hyphenation

I'm not going to lie, I'm terrified by the thought of labor and delivery. I'm also terrified by motherhood. Am I really going to be ready? Can anyone be ready? It's totally cliche but that's just the way humans are programmed, I think.

The bottle of prenatal vitamins I see every time I open the medicine cabinet get me feeling excited-weird.

There are a lot of hyphenated emotions involved in this process.

It's feeling official

My husband and I have been talking about procreating for years. We both knew we wanted kids, but the whens and hows have always seemed so far away. Today I had an appointment with a nurse practitioner. A "pre-pregnancy consultation." When to take the patch off. How long to wait before trying. Cycles. Ovulation. What to eat. Vitamins to take. What to do when it happens.

When it happens.